OK2BGAY.org

1- If your child is gay, give them 100% unswerving support
2- Take an active interest in your child’s life and talk to them openly
3- If your child is being bullied at school, contact the school and speak to the teachers/principal, and the parents of the bully
4- Lobby the government to make it easier to sue a school, or the parents of the bully, if your child is being bullied and #3 isn’t working
5- Object to any gay slurs/insu­lts/smears if you hear them from your friends. Create an atmosphere of “intolerance of intolerance”

The year was 1990. Richard K. Kingery was 22 years old when he found his way to bretz, a Gay night club in Toledo, Ohio. He was a slender, dark haired young man, quiet and polite – and deeply haunted. Any observant person would have seen that. At bretz he met a very observant person, the owner, Greg Knott. Greg soon learned the source of Richard’s problem – he was Gay and his family had totally rejected him. His father had told him “why don’t you go buy a gun and shoot yourself.” Greg set out to help him, to rescue him from the tragedy that Richard thought was life. Greg didn’t know a lot about how to do this. As a teen, he had struggled, fought internal battles about his own sexuality, but he came from a loving family who were accepting. One of the first places Greg took Richard was to spend a week-end in Massillon, Ohio at Greg’s mother’s home. She was a sweet, older lady, who had been welcoming Greg’s friends and lovers into her home for years.

Although deeply involved in his own, highly demanding business, Greg tried to help Richard, to show him that both he, Richard, and life were good. He felt he was making some progress until the day a young man from bretz came to move a refrigerator from the garage beneath the carriage house where Greg lived. He saw exhaust coming out from under the garage door. When he opened the door, Richard was lying behind his running car with his face to the exhaust pipe, unconscious. The young man pulled him out on the grass, called for help, and Richard’s life was saved, that time. This was in June.

This was a very hard time for Greg, A former lover had committed suicide that same way almost 20 years earlier. He did not know if Richard were grateful or angry to have have survived. Since all suicide attempts are deemed “mentally ill”, Richard’s father had taken him home to Terre Haute, Indiana, and institutionalized him. In early July, Greg wrote Richard a letter, imploring him to come back to Toledo, assuring him again that he was good, he was valuable, he was loved. He got no response, but Richard came back in early August. Greg was delighted, and spent almost all his free time with Richard, They went on “great adventures” through “uncharted country” around Northwest Ohio. And they talked, and talked, and talked. Richard got a job working at night as a security guard in a downtown building. Once again, Greg felt that things were going well.

On the night of September 11, Richard did not report for work at midnight. He drove instead to a theater on the west side of Toledo and parked behind it. It was a place where he was known to go to “sit and think”. Sometime in the early hours of September 12, he put a shotgun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. He was sure no one would “rescue” him this time.

The security company called Greg’s house the next morning, looking for Richard. They said he had not reported for work the night before. Greg was frightened. This would not have been disturbing for many young men, but it was out of character for Richard. Greg and two friends went out searching for him. Greg knew about the theater parking lot. They found the car. And they found Richard.

Greg Knott’s grief over Richard’s death was profound and unlike what any of his friends had ever seen. For days afterward, he did not eat or sleep; he drank coffee, smoked cigarettes, talked non-stop and cried. Not sobs, not even sounds, just tears, constant tears. At one point he said, “Richard is in the arms of Jesus right now.”

Greg placed an obituary in the Toledo Blade and held a Memorial Service in a Catholic church with a priest friend officiating. Richard’s family claimed the body and buried him in a cemetery near Dayton, Ohio. They held no service.

Greg Knott’s overwhelming grief lead to what could only be called a nervous breakdown. In October, he left bretz in the hands of others and went into seclusion for several months. But even in those dark days, he began to study young Gay suicide. He learned about its frequency, its primary causes and the best known ways of combating it. He came back to bretz still very fragile, but a man with a whole new mission – to do everything possible to prevent young Gay suicide. It remained his mission for life.

The document we call our Manifesto, “It’s OK To Be Gay” was an early result of this mission. Stack of copies of it were on the literature table at the bar. When bretz opened its website in 1996, along with information about the bar and promotion of events, there was a prominent link to the manifesto.

Greg got the Ohio license plate OK2BGA. In 1997, when Ohio first allowed 7 characters, it became OK2BGAY. bretz became known as a place where you could go and talk – and be heard.

Periodically, Greg would visit Richard Kingery’s grave, which remained unmarked. Several years ago, he bought a headstone and had it engraved as pictured above. He planned to place it on Richard’s unmarked grave near Dayton.

When Greg’s former partner, Barry White, committed suicide in 1973, Greg bought three adjacent lots in Historic Woodlawn Cemetery in Toledo. Barry lies in one. Greg planned to be buried next to him, and the third lot was presumably for the life partner he never found. Long before his death, he had commented to several friends that if Richard’s family refused to have the stone on his grave, he would put it on the empty lot on his other side.

Richard’s family did indeed reject the stone. They demanded that it be removed. Almost 20 years later, it would appear that their hearts have not softened, they feel no loss, let alone regret.

Greg’s own headstone is being carved at this time. When it is finished, it and Richard’s will be placed side by side in Woodlawn. Greg will lie between the memories of two young men whom he loved and lost, but there are many alive today who will tell you that he was the motivation, the inspiration, the support that kept them going.

Richard Kingery’s death, like all those like his, was a senseless tragedy, brought on by the rejection of others. But it inspired a mission in one man who reached out to the world, and many have chosen life. In that sense, Richard did not die in vain.

You may notice ALOT of people wearing purple today. Wearing purple today is in memory of the recent gay teen suicides. If you’re wearing purple we’d love to hear about it! Go to our facebook page ‘OK2BGAY’ and leave us a note… or better yet, take a picture and tag us!

We HIGHLY recommend that you watch this video. It was recorded on October 3rd 2010 at the Sunshine Cathedral MCC in Fort Lauderdale. You can visit their website directly by clicking here. Message starts approx 01:50 into the video. Thank you to Rev. Dr. Durrell Watkins and Sunshine Cathedral for allowing us to share this message with you.

(c) 2010 Durrell Watkins